meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
