i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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