I love black thongs
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
