She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
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the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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