if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
