you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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