The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
