piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
did i just pee glitter
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
