so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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