Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
