Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
