Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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