He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She bit a glass in half.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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