I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
