yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
