Your face is a jimmy john
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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