this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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