we made out on top of his cat.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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