i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
