So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
