we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
