went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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