I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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