I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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