Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
