im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
