Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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