I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
