No stitches, just platelets and will power
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize