I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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