You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
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So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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