It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
