I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
