i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
