I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
