She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
