Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
