You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
