I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
