just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have fence marks all over my body
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
