not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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