what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
