the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
