dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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