wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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