Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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