How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
