Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
