dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think your dad took our porno
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
