You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I had to cum in my sink.
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