there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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