just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
