i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
