Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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