She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
