The maid of honor just puked.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
