Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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