you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
