Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I miss vodka workout Fridays
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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