last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
