Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
