And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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