I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
