Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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