Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
