Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
