Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
