Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
