I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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