i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
