i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
